wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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