Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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