I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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