dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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