i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
