i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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