Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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