this just has baby written all over it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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