It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
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Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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