She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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