and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
