i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
