Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
