That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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