my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
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The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize