Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize