I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
