I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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