Don't make out with my wife yet
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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