I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
