3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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