There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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