Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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