Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.