birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!