Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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