I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize