I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
