Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize