During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
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