I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
