i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
