Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize