That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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