Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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