she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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