walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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