she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
