I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
