I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize