i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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