franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
