my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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