You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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