I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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