dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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