i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
