you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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