Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
