Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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