i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
