maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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